San Diego Therapist Blog: Regina Huelsenbeck, PhD

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.

~ M. Scott Peck

It's quite possible that these uncomfortable and even terrifying experiences are the very times when we may grow the most, sprout wings and learn to fly.

"To express unafraid and unashamed what one really thinks and feels is one of the great consolations in life"

~ Theodore Reik (20th Century German Psychoanalyst)

"...be attentive to what is arising within you, and place that above everything else. . .What is happening in your innermost self is worthy of your entire love..."

~ Rainer Maria Rilke

What does my soul look like? Do I believe in God? Why are we here? Why are you here?

Are you asking the "big" questions. Are you wondering what "the point" of all of this is? At some point in life, most of us grapple with these sort of questions. There's certainly more to life than just making money and acquiring material goods- r-i-g-h-t? Or is that really it? What do you think? Is there a God? What do YOU think? If you're looking for a place to explore these questions try www.soulpancake.com. It was created by actor Rainn Wilson from the TV series "The Office". On his site, they contemplate these questions, and pose some you may not have even thought of yet. If you haven't figured out for yourself what YOU think...his site provides a sort of starter guide to "chewing" on these questions.

Find out what YOU think.

Ever get to that point when your mind just won't stop? During the holiday season the mind often has plenty of material to work with. Your mind worries: "The holidays are almost here and you still haven't gotten gifts for half the people on your list??! It's not like you didn't know the holidays were coming! It's the same time every year!!" Or maybe your mind is worrying because you don't have "enough" money for gifts. Or maybe it's worrying about how you will survive your family or lack of family and loved ones this year.

Whatever the thought or worry, whatever your situation may be this holiday season, not enough or too much, if you find yourself in full on "mind spin"----worrying, becoming depressed or anxious about your situation...try a few of these de-mind spin tips:

1. First of all accept that you are not alone. You can be absolutely sure that most people are worrying about something - maybe not the same thing that you are worrying about- but something this holiday season, just like you.

2. Second, take a minute and breathe. Ask yourself right now if you are alright, just right now in this very moment. Not tomorrow, or in the future or yesterday, but right now, are you ok? alive? breathing? This is an important question to ask because, often the pain of the holiday season comes to us because of our worries...and worries are most always about the future or the past. Worries about what the holidays have been like in the past, and are not now. Or what the holidays will be like this year- worries and anxieties usually exist in the present -----but are almost always about the future and or the past.

Another way to take yourself out of the worries or "mind spin" is by changing your focus. #3 and #4 are hands on mind tools:

3. Mindfully take three deep breaths. Take three slow deep breaths and pay attention only to your breath for just 3 full breaths---following the sensation of the breath the entire time.

4. Another option: Go outside or look out a window and focus fully on every detail of the object you are looking at. If it's a tree, what color is it? What about the leaves? Describe the tree bark. How tall is the tree, can you see the roots, how is it sitting in the ground etc.? Focus your mind fully on describing the object. Spend a few minutes on this.

After surviving or while living with a life threatening illness such as cancer, people often feel estranged from life. Individuals may feel detached from work, friends, colleagues, family members and even alienated from themselves. 

This disconnected feeling is normal. Cancer is a traumatic experience: one which stirs questions about some of the most foundational elements of life: things that most of us take for granted: namely one's body, life purpose and continued existence.

How can we re-connect? How can we come back to life? How can we feel connected to things and others again?

The first step begins with reconnecting to yourself. Believe it or not, almost everything we experience in relationship to others is fundamentally nurtured by the relationship we hold with ourself. Cancer causes us to question who we are. The cancer experience calls our identity into question- who we thought we were may not actually be.

A simple way to strengthen the connection and intimacy with yourself is through telling your story. Buy a journal and begin at the beginning. Begin to write down the bones of your story-- and do not leave one little thing out- this is for you. Scribble onto the paper, write with abandon, without censor, tell your journal everything. Allow the paper to feel what you truly experienced. 

When you are done writing down your cancer story, you can continue with this tool and use it to befriend yourself each day, for the rest of your life story. In essence, you are beginning to befriend yourself, get to know yourself and discover who you are.

Connecting back into life and with others will be less of an ordeal when you know more deeply who you are.

Warmly,

Regina

 CHECK OUT THIS BOOK: "Writing down the Bones" by Natalie Goldberg

Oprah has manifested again...she teamed up with one of the most mindful and powerful spiritual leaders of our time, Eckhart Tolle. If you haven't heard of him, he wrote The Power of Now and recently published A New Earth. He has changed thousands of people's lives by awakening them to their true nature. He has helped thousands learn how to PLUG IN to stillness.

Every Monday 8pm central time you can listen to him live from their virtual classroom. OVER 139 countries listened to the very first course they telecasted. If you cannot make the class live, or even if you do, you can download each of these courses for free. You can subscribe on ITUNES

Although this scheme might seem like more pop-psychology, "Secretish", or new agey, if you really listen to what Eckarts says or read his books, you will find the truth in his words.

He simply offers a way to plug into stillness, "the place where there is no mental noise"... 

Learn how to unplug from your conditioned thought processes, and plug into your heart and what is true. Plug In!

Love and Light,

Regina

Comedian Robert Schimmel was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma in 2000. He recently described his first day in the chemo room: He noticed a particulary pissed-off looking man seated along the wall getting the chemo drip. The nurses instructed Robert to "stay away" from the guy becasue he was so unhappy and negative. Robert said he purposely sat near him. He started talking with the guy and the guy was not interested in chat.  He basically told Robert to "talk to him in few weeks after he'd had more chemo". Robert became determined to make the guy laugh and continued to sit near him. The story of how he did this is a bit off color (thus Robert's awesome style) - so I'll leave it out here just in case someone is easily offended. When he finally made the guy laugh- Robert said he felt so good. He realized that he really needed the guy to laugh; it gave him a purpose, and made him feel good.

Robert says the only place he feels completely control is when he is on stage and he is making people laugh. When he steps off the stage anything can happen. He realizes we have no control over life. He seems to have learned this lesson over and over again in his life. His parents are holocaust survivors and in 1992 he lost his son to cancer!

Robert Schimmel knows pain and he knows comedy. If you are going through cancer or know someone else who is - get his new book. 

His book is called, "Cancer on $5 a day, Chemo not included".  He's on the press circuit right now promoting his book- so you may catch him on late night TV. He was on Conan a couple weeks ago but you'll have to download it if you want to see his interview. Robert is also in the book "Hope Begins in the Dark" in which 50 lymphoma survivors share their experiences with cancer (including me). He's hysterical and inspirational.

Love & Light,

Regina