San Diego Therapist Blog: Regina Huelsenbeck, PhD

Have you ever felt as though the floor had been ripped out from underneath you?

In a crisis, nothing feels safe. Maybe you've lost your home, a loved one has died, or you're facing the worst depression of your life. The things which once seemed so important now seem irrelevant and false. People seem far away at times, like you're walking parallel to everyone around you, but you're in an alternate space.

IF this is indeed where you are...

Welcome

I say welcome not to be flip, but to offer a warm reassurance, because most everyone experiences some kind of "parallel" walk at one time or another. In life, we all get to be the blue duck at some point.

However, when you're in it...you're in it. It feels really lonely and scary. And often when you're in these places of despair, you honestly feel that no human being could possibly conceive of your pain. But the honest truth is that everyone, sooner or later experiences that uncomfortable place of not knowing how to make things better. 

However painful, despair, burning despair, fear and crisis can sometimes lead us to make remarkable and meaningful life changes. 

But don't let me get ahead of myself, as I said above, while you are "in it" you are "in it". Compassion is the best elixir and self soothing is a much needed balm. Be patient and loving towards yourself. You will heal and you will be ready.

One noteworthy warning to the blue duck experience: one of the most disturbing thoughts one experiences while walking in the grips of despair is that they will never return to "normal". They fear that the experience will never end. It's usually not actually the horrible situation or pain, but the fear of never getting over it, never feeling "normal" or "good" again that drives people over the edge. This thought is enticing to the mind, but it is a fallacy. Try not to get trapped by this line of thinking. 

As I said above, most importantly, be gentle with yourself, give yourself patience and compassion. You will open...

Jamie Reno, Newsweek journalist and cancer survivor will be the special guest tonight at 9:00 p.m. EST (6:00p.m. for you left coasters) on The Stupid Cancer Show, an informative, funny, cutting-edge, hugely popular show hosted by Jamie's friends and fellow survivors Matthew Zachary and Kairol Rosenthal. They'll be discussing Jamie's forthcoming novel, “A Snowman on the Pitcher’s Mound,” the story of a 10-year-old boy coping with the cancer diagnosis of his mom, and about radio-immunotherapy, a remarkable lymphoma cancer treatment that saves lives but still risks extinction unless people demand their legislators to save it!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/stupidcancershow/2009/07/14/Cancer-vs-Environment-Cage-Match

The Stupid Cancer Show
The Stupid Cancer Show is the voice of young adults affected by cancer. Unlike every other age group, this is about a generation of millions (aged 15-39) for whom there has been zero improvement in survival rates since Nixon. This is not OK! Hosted by young adult survivors Kairol Rosenthal (Author of "Everything Changes: The Insider's Guide To Cancer In Your 20's and 30's") and Matthew Zachary (Founder/CEO of the I'm Too Young For This! Cancer Foundation) we are challenging the status quo and demanding change from the establishment. It's time. It's our time. It's about time.

Praise for ‘A Snowman on the Pitcher’s Mound’

“A beautiful novel. Reno shows how powerful a simple game like baseball can be in helping a young boy cope. The true moral of this book though is beyond baseball and beyond cancer – it lies in the healing strength of familial love and the celebration of life.”
Larry Lucchino, President and CEO, Boston Red Sox, and two-time cancer survivor

“Finally, a book written for both parents and children about loss from a young boy’s perspective. Carefully and brilliantly written, it provides a guide for teachable moments that parents can use to help them relate to their children when faced with serious illness or loss. This fills an obvious void in the literary world.”
Leslie Hovsepian, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist

“Had me reaching for the tissues, but smiling, too, at the many moments of love so well depicted in this story of a boy coming to terms with loss. The author possesses a finely honed skill in giving readers the true voice of a 10-year-old boy learning to cope with death—and life.”
Phyllis DeBlanche, Associate Editor, San Diego Magazine

“I only wish my children could have read this when I was diagnosed with cancer four years ago. Sensitive, thoughtful, humorous, poignant and most importantly, provides a much needed canvas on which families can explore the myriad emotions surrounding diagnosis and treatment of any serious illnesses. This book will be very helpful to kids and parents everywhere.”
Michael E. Werner, Director, Lymphoma Research Foundation, CEO, Globe Union Group

“It’s never easy to talk about cancer with children, but this book gracefully facilitates this difficult dialogue in such an inviting way. I love this book. It can strengthen a family's understanding and compassion through the emotional perils of cancer.”
Regina Huelsenbeck, PhD, PsychoSocialOncologist

“Captures your heart from the first words. Entertaining, funny and touching, it takes the reader inside a cancer patient’s family and shares both the heartbreak and hope many children feel.”
Linette Atwood, CEO, Patient Resource Cancer Guide

“As a young adult who as a child lost her mother to cancer, I have never read a book that is more insightful and helpful in dealing with the questions children face when a loved one is ill.”
Jessica Dallow, Pakula/King & Associates