Jack Kornfield, in his book A Path with Heart, says we can either see the world as
a place where we are eaten and we eat others or as a world where we are feeding
one another.
Hmm... in order to feed one another, we have to at least partially share who we are and what
we think. Many researchers have noted that cancer patients, who advocated for
themselves, expressed what they liked, disliked, asked questions, and actually were
sometimes called “a pain in the ass” by doctors/nurses actually survived more
than those who didn’t.
When going through an illness or difficult time, we often
feel especially vulnerable. Sometimes this translates to shut down mode
and we sort of switch off our brains. Other times it just activates our
usual communication pattern. Our style of communicating with oncology staff is usually
consistent with our general style of communication, even in the most intimate
relationships that we have. So ask yourself, do you tend to share who you are
and what you think openly, ask uncomfortable questions, or do you tend to hold
most things inside?
If your answer is the latter, let’s talk:
Why is it so difficult to allow others to see who we truly
are? Why do we hide it? Are we afraid that we might literally be swallowed
whole?
Perhaps we are resistant because we don’t know what that
person will bite into. Perhaps we don’t know because we are afraid to taste it
ourselves. Intimacy first comes with self. We must be intimate with ourselves, before we can ever allow another to know us.
How can I get intimate with me?
~One way is through journaling (I am big on writing)
~Another way is through daily meditation
~Another way is through focusing (this is an active meditative
technique used to identify “felt senses” in the body- basically emotions and
where they are expressed in the body- fascinating!) Check out http://www.focusing.org/sixsteps.html
for quick instruction.
Or get the book: http://www.amazon.com/Power-Focusing-Practical-Emotional-Self-Healing/dp/157224044X/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_b
~Here’s a great exercise from a therapist who specializes in
focusing and meditation: While in meditation, become very comfortable and go
along with your usual process of meditation – perhaps beginning to relax your
toes, then your entire foot, your calves, on up your body to your head…taking time to sense
your body, feel any sensation which wants to show itself. As you get into the
meditation allow something to come into your mind which you are currently
struggling with. Allow it to sit there for a moment. When this comes into your
mind, take note what happens to you, does it appear anywhere in your body? Do
you feel anything? Allow yourself to notice these feelings. Now allow that
thought to drift away. Then bring your mind back to the breath and return to
your meditation.
I loved this meditation- I hope you enjoy it too. Make sure
you write down any thoughts you had about it. I’d love to hear about them.
Just take a risk, take small, tiny little bites of yourself.
They are much easier to digest this way, I can promise you that.
Love and Light,
Regina